Sunday is NOT Funday around here!

So today's bitch session is not so much about the husband (BELIEVE IT OR NOT!), but instead, the kids. (OK, with a little bit of the husband in there, too..) It rained all weekend. And when I say rained, I mean our backyard looked like the Thames. It RAINED. So of course, that locks us all in one small little house for WAY too many hours.
So Saturday, I come up with this great idea: It's getting warmer, and the kids are getting bigger, so since we are stuck inside, let's pull out ALL THE CLOTHES in their room(s) and try them all on and decide what to keep, what to donate and what to throw out. Then we will also know what we need to buy, right?
So that went ok.. I guess.. Basically, no help whatsoever from the husband, but the kids at least humored me by trying stuff on for about 3/4 of the way through the pile. (Which actually, was farther than I THOUGHT they would go!) So that left me to sort, fold and put away the rest of all summer and winter clothes for 2 kids. Suffice it to say, that was Saturday. ALL of Saturday.
So this morning, I notice that while I was folding and sorting, the kids decided it meant free reign for messing up the REST of the house. So I ask them to clean. Yeah, yeah, yeah I get.. Husband goes in there and distracts them for about 30 minutes, so I kick him out and asked again. They pick up a few things, then start watching TV. I got back 30 minutes later, no progress. I bribe them will a shopping trip, they get excited, clean for about 10 minutes, go back to playing.
So basically, that was my ENTIRE DAY. Trying to get them to clean ONE FREAKIN ROOM. And it's STILL not done. Their Dad tried to actually take them shopping, but I stopped it, however, it still doesn't make a difference. I just want to SCREAM. And where was hubby during all of this, you ask? HE PLAYED VIDEO GAMES FOR THREE HOURS STRAIGHT.
AUGH>>>>>!!!!! I am so frustrated I can barely speak. I am going to have to figure out a way to make the kids understand that no matter what DADDY does, when Mommy says do something or you don't get something, SHE MEANS IT. Unfortunately, it looks like this will take a while, and patience has NEVER been in my volcabulary, and I still choke even writing the @#O$*# word down. Sigh. Going to get a well deserved? needed? used? glass of wine. Back later. Perhaps.

Hey Folks.. I am back.. Sorry for the disappearance. Got real sick over the weekend, and just checked out for a while. Let me catch ya up. NOTHING is going on. Sad, isnt it? Well, I guess nothing might be a slight exaggeration.. I have been working - which is good on one hand, as I am earning $$. Not that I've SEEN any of it yet, but its money nonetheless. On the other hand, I have been really slacking at keeping all the balls in the air - as my taking a 40+ hours a week job does not affect my workload at home at all. In fact, it almost seems to get worse. This week's problem is dinner.
He calls each night around 7pm, on his way home and asks what's for dinner. Now, mind you - he has refused to tell you what time he's coming home until he's halfway there. So I used to make stuff and he'd eat it alone, later, if he liked. If not, he would leave it out on the counter and I would wake up in the morning and it would still be there. So anyway - I got tired of that dance, and decided if he can't commit to whether or not he's going to EAT what I make, I am not going to consider him in making my dinner plans. So since I have been working, its been one HECK of a lot easier to just feed the kids a meal from the freezer, and I just snack on something. But now we have a NEW game. If I haven't made something for him, or I have made something for him, but he doesn't LIKE it, then he stops and gets food from take out on the way home. And then when he arrives, he feeds the kids half of his stuff, so they don't eat what I've prepared EITHER. So I quit preparing anything.. And I can see the barometer rising on this, and I am not sure if I am going to try and play nice, or just let'im BLOW. So that'll be fun tonight.
So what else. Weather is getting nicer, which is giving me a better outlook - I knew it would. As of yesterday I went back on weight watchers (augh), and although I only gained 10 of the 40 lbs I had lost, I am going to attempt to lose 20 more (which would be a total loss of 50 lbs.) Wish me luck. I have to get to the gym, but I am at least eating right and walking 2x daily and parking on the 4th floor and taking the stairs... So if I just add gym time and keep food and little-bits of exercise, it should be a no-brainer.
Alright, I have to get back to work. And make some butter-free popcorn. yeay.

Just another day in paradise

Well, good news/bad news. I went out with friends last night, we had late dinner reservations. The Hubby was OK with the plan (in fact, he was pretty darn amicable about it), but today, it's a whole different show, Oprah..
I started getting the angry texts around 10:30. They were lobbed at me for about 20 minutes, and then (thankfully) I got radio silence. It cast a pall on what had been a pretty good evening, so I rounded up the girls, declined any invitations to imbibe further and headed home.
So I get home. And if I thought about it before I walked in the door, I would have realized what I was walking into. However, I just walked right in, unthinking at went to the bedroom to put on the jammies and hit the sack. Well, I am halfway through getting dressed, and out of NOWHERE he pops in to the closet and starts kissing me and probing around like I am science project. WHAT??? Are you SERIOUS?? I can't believe he even thought there was a CHANCE that I was going to jump into bed with him after he was such an ass.. Sigh. So I basically told him so, and he STOMPED OFF and went to another room. I shrugged and went to bed. He just doesn't get it.
So this MORNING, I get an email he wrote last night saying that he believes I like my friends better than my family, that I would rather be out with them instead of him, and I don't have a romantic bone in my body. The he proceeds to say that he doesn't think I am dedicated to trying to fix the way I act, so why don't we work something out - but he gets the kids.

OK. Don't panic. Not the first time I have heard this. Not the second, either. In fact, not even the third or fourth. This gets filed under 'Yet another thing he promised, but didn't deliver'.
So the bottom line is, he's stomping around still (which IS a little unusual, he usually completely forgets we even HAD a discussion by lunchtime). And I am almost tempted to say. "You know what? Let's do it. Let's just go our separate ways. But if you think you are getting the kids, you are SADLY mistaken."

But I don't think I am quite ready for this yet. Mostly financially. Pretty much there emotionally, I just want to hold out a little longer so that I actually HAVE some money in the bank before I cut myself off. I can support myself and the girls on my payheck - but I will be left with HUGE debt and no cash if I don't hold it together for now. Yes, this debt will legally be half his responsibility, as it should be, but that will take MONTHS, if not YEARS. And I would be stupid to take what's behind that door. My credit would be in the toilet before the papers were signed. Not a good way to take care of your kids. Or yourself, for that matter..

So the plan remains: Hold on.. Gather up a couple thousand in the bank for emergencies and legal fees, and then let 'er rip. Let the chips fall where they may. Cause if he thinks my heart's not in it, he's probably right. But that's because I am to damn tired of being yelled at, called names, swore at, and disrespected on a daily basis. I truly is verbal abuse. And I've got plenty of witnesses to back it up. Not to mention the husband of my ex-bestfriend he had an affair with.. (that's a story for another day). And all this is usually in from of Ava and Chloe. It's not right, and I don't think HE is going to change. It's a viscious circle, and I am about to get off the carousel before it makes me puke. :) Lovely, huh?

Oops! I forgot! :)

Ok, so I disappeared for a while there. Sorry folks - if anyone is out there, that is.. Had a sick kid and a problem husband to deal with , so I was otherwise occupied. So. Let me catchya up:

I have started a new job, its OK. Pretty low maintenance, which is great. I have stuff I gotta get done, I do it. No drama. (yeay!)

I have started to pay down my COLOSSAL (is that spelled right?) debt. This brings me great joy. Who knew writing checks could be so gratifying??

That's it. That's been my life. Exciting, huh? Well it will be.. We are just getting warmed up. I fully expect mayhem to begin reigning in approximately 2 months. The proverbial excrement will hit the fan. Big Time. So stick around through this boring stuff while I get myself 'trained' to blog nightly, and I promise you, by this time next year, my whole world will be COMPLETELY different - and we BOTH will have enjoyed the ride.

I'd like to think I am a pretty smart chick. I score high on tests (thank god - cause I never studied, even if my life depended on it). I am quick on my feet (I have been referred to as the Spin Doctor on more than one occasion) and I can remove myself from my current situation (after anger/dispair/hilarity has run its course) and make a chess move that sets in motion the best plan of action. SO: Here's where I'm at today.
I am getting divorced. Soon. No one knows, really, except me. And maybe a couple confidants, whom I am sure don't believe I will go through with it. But I can't take this marriage anymore. I drive a nice car. I wear nice clothes. I have a nice house. I have lots of time to spend with my friends.... But if it don't get out from underneath this CRUSHING WEIGHT know as a marriage, I will absolutely implode. I HATE MY HOME LIFE.
I have had bad relationships. I have even had a relationship end with a restraining order. And this one is worse. It has SUCKED THE LIFE OUT OF ME. I no longer have the strength, energy or determination to fight - but I am going to have to save up and get it, because I am gone. Only thing slowing me down is kids, finances and balls. All of which are going to have to be addressed in the next 6 months. Cause THIS Thanksgiving I am going to have something really spectacular to be Thankful For: FREEDOM.
And you, dear reader, are going to get the chance to jump on this roller coaster with me. Don't be scared - live vicariously through me.. You might learn something. Of course - it might be what NOT to do, but it's a lesson, nonetheless.
The clock is ticking. I am gathering documentation, I am paying down debt, I am repeating mantras like that character from Al Franken on SNL. Whatever it takes. No matter how bad it gets. I am inching my way to the cliff, and I can ALMOST feel the adreline rush. You all stick with me - cheer me on.. I can almost hear it: CA-ATE, CA-ATE, CA-ATE...

So it's Monday

Ok.. So Valentines days have been worse, but it certainly wasn't anything to write home about. Sunday, we had friends over, and one would think this would be an enjoyable afternoon (cooking, drinking and other kids to keep my kids amused!) but unfortunately Stu was back in rare form.
It's funny how men have this thing: They are SO INTENT on proving their point, they will TRAMPLE all over those in the way. MAN, I am still trying to get the footprints off my outfit. I would say something -he would correct it. I would observe something, he would list all the reasons I was not seeing clearly. I would compliment the children, he would be offended at the manner I approached the compliment. Perhaps I should refer to him as Napoleon. Yes, that' sounds about right. From now on, Stu will be referred to Nap.

Alright. So anyway.. I wanted to format this blog so I could make a tab for 'Meet the Players', and 'How I got here' and 'Where I am going' so that you could refer accordingly, but having challenges getting all that together, so it looks as if I am just going to have to use labels, so you can search, and in the meantime just post 'stream-of-consicousness'. Or howeverthehell that's spelled. So lets start with a post about where I am going... (See next post!)

Crappy Valentines Day, everyone!

Hi all.. I am a 43 year old suburban mom who has been watching her life slowly turn into a train wreck.. In an effort to maintain my sanity - and amuse all of you - I have decided to document this catastrophe-in-the-making.. I plan to blog about the past, the present, and my plans for the future (once I emerge from the rubble). I hope you all will enjoy it, and I look forward to hearing from you.

I am new to Blogging, but not new to technology or writing. In fact, once, long ago, I actually considered becoming an author. Occasionally, I consider it again even now. Of course, then I realize that that would require some serious determination and willpower - two things I find myself lacking in these days. Drama, Stress, Challenges... Wine.. THOSE I got plenty of. So I hope I can find a way to make this interesting, make you laugh, encourage some feedback and who knows - maybe make myself feel better in the process. It's BOUND to happen, right? That's what always happens in the movies at least.

So this is my first post, and I am going to round it up now. I want to explore the options of this blog and see if I can spruce it up a bit. I hope to be here daily.. Until the next time.