Just another day in paradise

Well, good news/bad news. I went out with friends last night, we had late dinner reservations. The Hubby was OK with the plan (in fact, he was pretty darn amicable about it), but today, it's a whole different show, Oprah..
I started getting the angry texts around 10:30. They were lobbed at me for about 20 minutes, and then (thankfully) I got radio silence. It cast a pall on what had been a pretty good evening, so I rounded up the girls, declined any invitations to imbibe further and headed home.
So I get home. And if I thought about it before I walked in the door, I would have realized what I was walking into. However, I just walked right in, unthinking at went to the bedroom to put on the jammies and hit the sack. Well, I am halfway through getting dressed, and out of NOWHERE he pops in to the closet and starts kissing me and probing around like I am science project. WHAT??? Are you SERIOUS?? I can't believe he even thought there was a CHANCE that I was going to jump into bed with him after he was such an ass.. Sigh. So I basically told him so, and he STOMPED OFF and went to another room. I shrugged and went to bed. He just doesn't get it.
So this MORNING, I get an email he wrote last night saying that he believes I like my friends better than my family, that I would rather be out with them instead of him, and I don't have a romantic bone in my body. The he proceeds to say that he doesn't think I am dedicated to trying to fix the way I act, so why don't we work something out - but he gets the kids.

OK. Don't panic. Not the first time I have heard this. Not the second, either. In fact, not even the third or fourth. This gets filed under 'Yet another thing he promised, but didn't deliver'.
So the bottom line is, he's stomping around still (which IS a little unusual, he usually completely forgets we even HAD a discussion by lunchtime). And I am almost tempted to say. "You know what? Let's do it. Let's just go our separate ways. But if you think you are getting the kids, you are SADLY mistaken."

But I don't think I am quite ready for this yet. Mostly financially. Pretty much there emotionally, I just want to hold out a little longer so that I actually HAVE some money in the bank before I cut myself off. I can support myself and the girls on my payheck - but I will be left with HUGE debt and no cash if I don't hold it together for now. Yes, this debt will legally be half his responsibility, as it should be, but that will take MONTHS, if not YEARS. And I would be stupid to take what's behind that door. My credit would be in the toilet before the papers were signed. Not a good way to take care of your kids. Or yourself, for that matter..

So the plan remains: Hold on.. Gather up a couple thousand in the bank for emergencies and legal fees, and then let 'er rip. Let the chips fall where they may. Cause if he thinks my heart's not in it, he's probably right. But that's because I am to damn tired of being yelled at, called names, swore at, and disrespected on a daily basis. I truly is verbal abuse. And I've got plenty of witnesses to back it up. Not to mention the husband of my ex-bestfriend he had an affair with.. (that's a story for another day). And all this is usually in from of Ava and Chloe. It's not right, and I don't think HE is going to change. It's a viscious circle, and I am about to get off the carousel before it makes me puke. :) Lovely, huh?